Experiencing forgiveness has been difficult at times in my life. I thought I had to forgive the person and their actions.
Forgiveness is a gift to ourselves
I found myself “trying” to forgive someone for months, and it was not happening. Caught in the tangle of trying to make it happen, yet I was getting no where. For ease, let’s just call this person Sam.
I know that forgiveness is a gift to me, a freedom from the past. I’ve forgiven before and know the incredible benefits that release me from all the negativity bringing forth real freedom. I truly know this!
Separating the person from the act
Yet, I couldn’t see what was happening in my own life. You could say I was blind to it! Now, knowing that I guide my clients in an understanding of how the mind works to create our experience, I still was tricked by thinking that someone else was causing my bad feelings.
I honestly didn’t see clearly enough to let go of my upset thinking.
‘It is a misconception to think that if you forgive someone who has harmed you, you are somehow condoning their behavior, making yourself vulnerable so that you will allow them to repeat their hurtful action. This is not so. There is a vast difference between forgiving a person and forgiving an act.’
Sydney Banks, The Missing Link
I just happened to open the book, The Missing Link, and read the above writing by Sydney Banks. It hit me when I saw “There is a vast difference between forgiving a person and forgiving an act.” I was so caught up in my angry and hurtful thinking and feeling that I couldn’t see to separate the person from the act. In my upset state of mind, this person was his behavior!
Seeing through different eyes
When I woke up to this, to looking beyond the behavior and the personality/ego to the humanity of this individual, I could see that he innocently acted out because of his own misguided upset thinking. I also saw that while I was in my upset state, I couldn’t see clearly enough to be able to forgive him even though I tried. It just didn’t stick.
As my mind settled, I saw Sam through different eyes and with more compassion and understanding. I felt my heart go out to him. This was my wisdom and common sense appearing. From this sweet spot of truth, experiencing forgiveness just happened.
Cheers and love,
P.S. Does everything on the outside of your life appear just fine, yet on the inside you are not yourself, and it is exhausting? If you are curious about coaching, I offer complimentary confidential consultations by Skype, FaceTime, phone or in my office if you are local to Lexington.